


Mind's Eye Crisis of Faith

by nonky



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 13:48:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17747030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonky/pseuds/nonky
Summary: Prompted by stainofmylove on LJ: Vampire Diaries, Damon/Katherine - you do it to yourself, just you, you and no one else





	Mind's Eye Crisis of Faith

Damon had memorialized Katherine within a crystalline view of love; a delusion some doctors might call it. He had to believe she was worth wrack and ruin, because she had cost him any kind of peace he might once have deserved. He knew now she was not, had never been, but back then nothing would have convinced him. It wasn't compulsion, though the compulsion had been useful to quiet his reluctance.

Back then he'd been a lost son of money, and a soldier thirsty for peace. Betrayal was an academic topic, something Stefan might be reading from his Greek studies. He had loyalty and honour. His most jaded view was toward his father's sternness.

Beauty was truth, and truth beauty. What appeared to be a lady could never be a whore - much less a monster. Traps didn't have arms so soft, or a bosom so warm clasped to his own. Except the heat had been mostly from his life, the currency she was robbing him of slowly and surely.

He had seen Katherine in the experienced view of a man living without her. He'd seen her as the catalyst for a thousand miseries and tragedies. He'd seen her standing next to Elena, vividly different from her innocent doppleganger. There were no excuses to be had anymore.

His devotion was gone. He replaced it with hate or fear, but never disregard. He noticed Katherine, watched her, wanted her, loathed her and pitied her. Not once did he miss the forthright plunder of her gaze, or the philosophical way she sacrificed others to save her own skin. He could no more mistake her for Elena than he could see a stake as a teddy bear. What killed you did not make for a good bedfellow, and an even less comfortable ally.

Damon did what he had to do. He kept perspective and worked with Katherine when greater threats were in town. He acknowledged her feelings were real, at least to her, fleetingly. Her love though - it burned on his lips, and soured in his belly. She was vervain perfume sizzling in his nose. He wanted some of her, but the whole was a snakepit he'd soon regret.

He toyed with the idea of lingering compulsion that predisposed him to loving long dark hair and brown, laughing eyes. It dishonoured Elena and his strides in winning her trust. It gave Katherine too much power. He decided he was old enough to fall in love without mind games. He smirked and wondered if such a thing was possible.

Above all, Damon put it away to a place where he couldn't blame Katherine more than himself. His weakness had given her a foothold and his consent had dragged him to her level. It only took one bad fall never to climb back up again.

Hindsight aside, unless he invented time travel he was playing on with his current hand. A perverse joy blazed in his heart for years - decades - of chasing Elena while spurning Katherine. Maybe there was some fun to be had in this doppleganger nonsense.


End file.
